Bloating, unexpected pain, having to run to the loo without much notice and the other myriad of conditions that Irritable Bowel Syndrome (or IBS) can bring. Just what you need to enhance a relationship with your loved one…

You’ll be all too aware that IBS symptoms are not much fun for you, whatever your stage on the IBS ‘journey’. But the effects it has on your partner is something that is often overlooked. As we approach Valentine’s Day this month I felt what better opportunity to reflect on how IBS has affected my relationship. Or perhaps it’s worth looking at it a different way. How has my relationship affected my IBS?

When I was first diagnosed with IBS, as well as coming to terms with how to deal with my condition, I was also worried about how to explain this to my girlfriend and its impact on our relationship. I’m incredibly fortunate to be with someone who is very understanding about my IBS and took it in her stride. At first, I didn’t want to open up completely about all my symptoms and how I felt, and I’m sure many of you will feel the same. I think being honest and open is the best strategy, as it should be in any relationship, regardless of IBS, but we all must deal with things in our own way.

Your partner doesn’t suddenly need to become an expert on IBS and share your enthusiasm for the latest dietary advice or probiotic (unless of course your partner is a gastroenterologist; in which case consider yourself lucky!). Yet, it will be useful for both of you if you can explain how you feel sometimes, how it can make you feel frustrated especially by its unpredictability, and what changes to your diet, lifestyle etc, might entail.

I’m incredibly fortunate to have had the support and understanding of someone who understood why I was making changes and did what they could to make these easier. Food often plays a significant role in relationships – your first date or celebrating an anniversary might be a meal out and you’ll be aware of the issues that this can cause. I remember asking my girlfriend if we could take some problem ingredients out of a meal we had regularly. I felt guilty for asking and for the impact it had, not just on me, but a supportive partner will understand, as mine did.

It’s gestures like this that make you appreciate the special someone in your life even more. It gives you confidence to make the changes that might seem too difficult and without realising, you begin to make progress in managing your IBS better. They respect and accept you for who you are and are willing to help you with your IBS. Maybe they can’t go out and find a cure for you, but their unquestioning love, support and empathy will help you. I always take time to remember this whatever time of the year it is.

Is it possible to take control of your IBS without an understanding and caring partner? Of course it is, but it makes the difficult times that bit easier to cope with and makes the good times that much more rewarding.

About the author

Matthew Chaddock runs an IBS support group in Leeds, having suffered from the condition since he was a teenager.

You can read more blogs related to IBS and gut health here.